I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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