i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
