My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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