tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
