dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
