Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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