He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
