Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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