she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
