the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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