Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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