Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
