Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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