ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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