Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
