You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He did a backflip because drugs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
