Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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