Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
