we're blogging at a bar
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
