someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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