Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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