I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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