What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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