I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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