Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
