You're completely useless in the revolution.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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