Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
