now i know why i became what i already was.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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