I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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