I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As shirtless as possible
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
