Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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