i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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