just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
