Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
