Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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