Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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