it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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