WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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