I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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