thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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