Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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