Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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