i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
