I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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