I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is my gift to your gina
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
