wrigley field is MILF paradise
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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