me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She needs sedatives and a leash
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
