He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
