You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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