I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
