its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
