I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So here I am, sexting at work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
