No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
