he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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