Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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