Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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