So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Randomize
