Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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