He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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