jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
