exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everyone says I win the strip club
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I smell like Dick and happiness
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