Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
