I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
