reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
