This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
