Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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