based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
