My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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