So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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