I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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