I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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