You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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