How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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