Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
