are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
