i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
